... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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