I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
