All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I currently don't understand fingers.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
