I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
