There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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