I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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