could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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