Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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