You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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