Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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