tell your sister to shave her snatch
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
