everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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