you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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