12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
