Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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