the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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