According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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