FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
