But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
