I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
