We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
