Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
