The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize