Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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