Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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