I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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