Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
