The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
