when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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