I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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