John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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