Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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