if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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