i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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