I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
