i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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