Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
