On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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