In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
