Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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