He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
