I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
