Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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