"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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