But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
