I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
