So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
