I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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