Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
