I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
