you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I did not marry a roomba.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
