that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
