guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
