I want to make a zoo with you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
