I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this beer tastes like vomit already
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
