Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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