how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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