dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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