yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
